Monday, October 17, 2005
deja vu
how many times must i make the same mistake before i learn? today i spoke with my tutor regarding the change. i felt, for the first time, really sure about what i was saying. i think he was really nice about it, especially when i told him there really is no great reason that i want to do art history, i just want to do it. he approved. but its going to be really hard, another logistical nightmare. this reputation just goes ahead of me.but really, now that i've thought and prayed about it, i'm not placing undue stress and emphasis on whether or not i can change. after all, i think its all just going to be up to god and what/where he wants me to go. i think my currrent situation is a HUGE improvement from what i was in last week. a big mess of dilemmas, what with leaving cambridge, and going back, or possibly the US, and parsons which has accepted me again, or maybe running off to london, central st martins, the stress was endless. then finally i realised, what is this all about? why am i killing myself and missing out on all the good things here and now that god wants me to see, learn or enjoy? i don't think that, regardless of what he wants me to do for a course, this is what he wants me to do with my time. so anyway, to cut a long story short, i have decided to base my entire decision on him. is there anything that's hindering me from being close to god now? is there any way that i can be in a better position to serve him? if the answer is yes, then change is right. if the answer is no, and change is simply escapism or greed, then why fret over a thousand opportunity costs that no one, not in a thousand years, could ever find all the time, money or energy to enjoy?
so now i made the decision, the verdict no longer lies with me. st caths, as it chances, is the only college in cambridge that doesn't offer art history. so if i get it, then its meant for me. if i don't, well hey, i actually quite like that donahue v. stevenson one?
2 Comments:
You interest me.
:)
hey darlin, stumbled onto ur shopping page and that led me here! (: wow. hope law sch there is doing you lots of good, i'm actually online shopping (Thats' why i'm here) during Crim lectures. heh. ok email me or somethg soon babe! (: miss ya. and i'll be keeping your shopping page on my fav list! hi to michelle (:
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