Sunday, June 05, 2005
god is so good
i'm meeting peiling on friday. she's decided to become a christian and i'm truly happy for her. its something i always thought about but never did enough about. i did close to nothing, for that matter- i mean i've been a lousy testimony with my bad attitude and all, and recently, not a very good friend either. too judgemental. with the sort of behavior i've got, i think i'd have driven more people away from christianity than anything else. but god is good. with or without me, he gets things done. if i have the willingness and resources to help out, fine, and i am the one who gains as well. but if i choose to be incompetent or lazy or cowardly, fine too. because god'll have his way with or without me. and i lose out, that's all. i think that's cool, cos its fair. and effecient. whoever is wise enough to win, wins. and peiling wins. you go girl. i resolve to be a better friend. everyone deserves to be better than they are, because god made us in his likeness and his plan is perfect.and on the point of plans, abstraction is over. the alchemist and robots and million dollar baby make me cry, but i've got flights to book and boxes to pack. i spend alot of time wondering whether i'm doing the smart thing, rather than doing the smart thing. which is to just do. (it). but of course deep inside i am still a person of big picture vagueness. and i still, incorrigibly, stick to my belief that i will, sooner or later, find what i want and do it with all my heart. the other day i had a talk with aunty beow in kap(!), and amidst all the half-baked jc students yelling and slurping and behaving like i did 6 months ago, which is, badly, she said something which i particularly agreed with. it is about finding your place. it's like in chariots of fire, where the guy says, when i run, i can feel the pleasure of god. and that is what you will feel when you find your place and are doing the thing you were born to do. i used to think that it was a priviledge, the fortune of a precious few, but now i think that it is an obligation. not to waste what you were here for. i mean, the guy spends every day of his never ending life making oxygen and food for me, and designing me a whole world to grow up in, and spends a hell lot of time coming up with an euraka plan just for me, so how can i settle for mediocrity?
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