Thursday, June 30, 2005
i passed!!
having unwisely told you the result already, let me tell you about my eventful driving test. before it started, i prayed like mad that i would be gracious enough to fail. and not in anger ram into a tree or something, like apparanly one particular testee did along the now- infamous teck whye avenue route one. and of couse, i prayed for splendid weather. i even went so far as to say that i would drive josh and dan to school at their beck and call if i passed. i negotiate alot. well, it rained. poured, in fact, during my warmup session. i was all in a tip. luckily, the very gentlemanly ( one of the few) warmup instructor said some consolatory things like, testers are more lenient when it rains, and you won't get the e-brake test. that was a great consolation, for me at that time who was wiling to believe anything. well, to cut a long story short, there wasn't e-brake, and i suppose the tester, though totally anal in behavior, was ultimately pretty nice, closing one eye while i did stupid things like turn right in the circuit when he said turn left, and parallel park in a very un-parallel way. in fact, i'm pretty sure he closed two eyes when i was on the road. he was practically asleep. he even three-quart reclined his seat. well at least that credits me with giving him a darn smooth ride. so, i was a very happy girl today, though a total of SGD$17600 poorer.
after that i went for another interview at SAM. This one was actually pretty fun. cos i got to take alot of dumb photos and check out the photojournalist('s equipment). and while i was at it i got talking to this whole bunch of primary school kids who were on tour with a super-enthu musuem docent. i admit, its fun to do it right.
Posted by i confound myself at 3:16 pm
Monday, June 27, 2005
all boxed up
here's a pic that mr chia mmsed me, of my fragile box. the fruit of 9 months of labor- blood, sweat and tears ( though not necessarily all mine. also present are the combined bodily fluids of mr chia, mr lee and ms yeo, you guys are the tops:) its really tiny, i mean the photo, but when i go down for the press conference i'll take a better pic.
of course, i'm really proud its on exhibition. beats rotting away in dingy ar3-1, and getting cockroached beyond recognition, any day. but being proud about it eats me, cos i know its too spiffy. i havn't been down to see it, but the display was set before i was told, anyway. i imagine they gave it a good cleanup, and now its hanging with all its lids blaring open, under a spotlight. when its supposed to be a nightlight. i know its horrible to get all fussy and affected and artsy like about it, what with them putting in all the effort to make it look good and all, and accessible to the viewers, arms length or more away from prying kids for all our own goods, electrically economical and wired up to make logistic cents/ sense, but to me its a compromise of what i intended. in a way, ar3-1 would have been a fitting grave for that thing. some dingy, weedy ghetto, with lots of forgotten things that someone somewhere once spilled alot of bodily fluids for, all peeling and glowing yellow like a real horrorshow lantern. to borrow alex's slovo. but perhaps it is a fitting end to my so-called artistic education, which will go on show tomorrow, as it has always been. on show. what sort of a crap art student am i, anyway? i think i was a truer one when i was 7. i doodled on the mrt, colored every picture on my math testpaper, wrote my own stories and illustrated them on Notepad ( the highest-tech thing i could manage in 1993) and bound them into books to sell to dad's colleagues, that great rumpled leather couch of amused, patronizing and wrinked uncles who have since got more rumpled, or died. every week i spent the 4 slots on my library card ( plus the inevitable fines-- i loved them that much) on hideous jackson pollock and edvard munch ( the men, and the works) of free will, and wished i was japanese because i loved jap cartoon and copied them religiously . and then i became an Art Elective Program Student, and became highly trained in the art of talk. i specialise in writing essays and telling people that design is my passion and i'll do it someday. which is what i'm gonna be doing tomorrow. whenever i think about it, about how, even if i went to parsons it would be for show, i feel so frustrated. if i had the power to, i would change the aep program, and change it radically. if i were honest enough, i would say all the wrong things in the press conference. but i can't, cos i'm supposed to be a member of the elite. chosen for the gift of saying all the right things the right way. so exactly, exactly like my box, right outside, wrong inside and always trying to be wrong in the right way. i read youthink, and i just know i'm trapped thinking out of the box in the box, instead of in the box out of the box. i'm such a fake, will someone please arrest me?
Posted by i confound myself at 3:56 pm
Thursday, June 23, 2005
i reserve associate membership
woke up at 7am and went for an animation workshop at nafa, which turned out to be unexpectedly painful as there was no light, air and water in the room. being the vegetable that i am, i vegetated. it was all about flash basics, and the woman ( i won't call her a teacher, or an instructor, i don't know where she came from, looked like she wished she were in bed, and did the course content a great injustice. but we did get to watch alot of cool mtv animation. i'm glad i went tho, i def leant a few new things about the flash interface, but the combined bad attitudes of myself and the woman kinda watered it down.so i escaped and went to visited dsg. they just ended the scholarship interviews, which were apparantly very user-friendly, even coming with pre-interview feedback thingies, and preparation, like how-to-impress-us-more-in-the-next-round. anyway, the lucky sods are a girl and 4 guys. 2 of which are eugene and david, from s'pore season. congrats guys!
there are like 3 new staff, and they're on the verge of working on the carpet. one of the girls is now permantly ( is anything permanent there?) located in the meeting room ( or rather, meeting corner, for there was never even a room to begin with). which is kind of a good thing, i suppose, because then at every meeting you'll at least have one person present. physically.
and me, maybe. present in spirit. its funny how i miss that place so much, after being there for only 3 months. i've been in places longer, been with more suitably-aged and suitably- orientated people, for lack of better descriptions, but i can't quite classify my experience there. the people were everything, and the fact that it was design was everything else. so for 3 months i got paid peanuts, took work home, sometimes did weekends, and was in bliss. what a job. never to be found again. or maybe...
Posted by i confound myself at 4:08 pm
Sunday, June 12, 2005
eternal sunrise of the spotless mind
its 130 am in the bleeding morning and here i am waiting for project sunrise to load. and i'm supposed to be designing a collar pin for sp. the ubiquitous, persistent, schiz sp. and i realize that i'm designing for 2 competing teams. geez i should start charging fees. i'm so phenomenally stoned, from the effect of alot of flying around followed by a week of bad sleep. last night, i dreamt that i got lost in london while trying to find my digicam usb cord so that i could upload chillipadi pics. the story of my life. and next week, i can only dream of sleep, with the highly nocturnal youth camp, in which i am sure i;m supposed to be mother hen. a role i am not adept in at all. the hen bit i can handle, but the mother bit, no way. i'm a bad example. tomorrow, i'm gonna be so stoned during driving lesson with dom that i might kill someone. keep of the roads, kiddos.Posted by i confound myself at 6:24 pm
Friday, June 10, 2005
around this time, there are alot of sad, desperate guys around. okay i should not say they are sad and desperate, because most of them are really nice types whom i actually feel bad that i can't help, and anyway if i were in ocs i would be in exactly the same situation. its really a small deal, but i guess in s'pore we don't have a culture of asking people to balls type things. so when it happens it becomes a big thing ridden with concepts like Getting The Wrong Idea. i would like to say that i don't care about Wrong Ideas, because its really a very stupid singapore secondary school student concept. a vsssss concept. bringing a date is simply a matter of formality, and in any case, not having a significant other at some points in time or other ( admittedly, some more crucial points in time than others), shouldn't be made to be some crime. anyone who's attached 24/7, 365 days of the year, every year, is either dysfunctional, or married.but unfortunately, at some points in time more than others, i do care.
east coast was fun, even though i walked a hell lot and didn;t eat a thing. i never realised that 20 pits could span such an enormous distance and that fire could take so long to start even with like 20 firestarters in the bleeding thing. but it was nice to see everyone again, and it was even nicer that almost everyone turned up. i reckon we're not all that bad. we're pretty good, in fact, for people so different. can someone send me a photo? wait, they don't even know this exists.
anyway, thank goodness i did all that walking and ate nothing, cos now its all in equilibrium. i ate so much, compulsively, at rice table, that i feel almost drunk now. i conclude that my body's just not made for buffets. my constituition's not up to it. the paradox of having to get your money's worth, while simultaneously trying to keep yourself healthily-sized, doesn't work for me. i mean keeping thin is supposed to make economic sense.
and speaking of economics, way to go boss! i'm really proud of you. not so much the choice of course, i don't really care; but the conviction. and i aspire toward.. alvin? albert-esque conviction as well. remember to lend me good to great, cos that's what i'm gonna become! haha.
Posted by i confound myself at 4:57 pm
Thursday, June 09, 2005
j'aime faire des courses beaucoup!
DAMAGEcebu:
4 t-shirts (well it was cheap!)
1 khaki skirt
9 mangoes and numerous packs of dried mangoes
japan:
jockey underwear
dkny watch
unknown jap brand eyeshadow
alot of cutesy chocolate
tree robo merchandise ( a superb animation! independance studios, korea. hmm)
super flat and nifty umbrella that everyone above the age of 40 is asking me where i got. sorry aunties..
great singapore sale:
2 skirts from 37 degrees
1 skirt, jeans and blouse from esprit
1 pair of slippers from x:odus
lip gloss, moisturizer and frangrancec collection pack from body shop
1 phone bag from muee-> very lucky lucky draw-> 1 complimentary passport cover
big fish and lost in translation vcds ( legally)
madagascar tickets
episode 3 tickets ( i love george lucas once more)
24 muesli bars
Posted by i confound myself at 3:59 am
Monday, June 06, 2005
clara descends into voyuerism ( did i spell that right?)
i just went, much to my horror, on a compulsive blogsurfing spree, and am very amused. i realize that it is so clear what sort of personality types yield what kind of writing. or what sort of family background. or priorities. and it's kinda weird, cos as i was reading, i was subconsconciously comparing everything to my own writing to see who thinks like me. i found one. a much more extreme version of me, but from the same type of world. totally. and strangely, it wasn't nice at all, it was irritating. it was irritating to realize how anal retentive my writing and my topics sound, on someone else's blog. and the most irritating thing was, i've met the author before. in a context where you would just expect to see such people. i told you singapore is a big recycle! the same old people keep circulating in the same old social levels. i already know which one i belong to-- it was decided for me the day that i... was born. not that i was born into that level, though yes, that plays a big part, but i think your character is what takes you wherever. sometimes it takes you to wherevers that you'd rather not be. just like the baker who didn't become a shepherd. and once that happens, do you know how hard it is to get out of the recycle? you probably end up in it your whole life, and experience "the ubitiqious milton tan" ( to quote yu lin) situation, where everyone is somehow related to everyone else's someone, and where the biggest excitement you get in meeting new people is to realize that they were never so new after all.Posted by i confound myself at 4:10 pm
we are brown
i'm fast losing interest. its unbelievable how interest can be lost like this, but the whole process of waiting and knocking and never hearing just puts people off. i want to yell at the stupid voice at the other end of the line, how rude she's being about this whole thing. once, i really wanted this. but with the way this is going, my interest is waning. perhaps i should call up and just tell them to cancel my application, so that i won't have to go through the agony; or rather, the inconvenience, since it's long gone past the stage of agony, of uncertainty. do i actually want to recieve a letter of rejection and be happy? or do i want to recieve a big brown package and not even want to open another dilemma onto myself? its so tiring, it really is.Posted by i confound myself at 3:11 pm
Sunday, June 05, 2005
god is so good
i'm meeting peiling on friday. she's decided to become a christian and i'm truly happy for her. its something i always thought about but never did enough about. i did close to nothing, for that matter- i mean i've been a lousy testimony with my bad attitude and all, and recently, not a very good friend either. too judgemental. with the sort of behavior i've got, i think i'd have driven more people away from christianity than anything else. but god is good. with or without me, he gets things done. if i have the willingness and resources to help out, fine, and i am the one who gains as well. but if i choose to be incompetent or lazy or cowardly, fine too. because god'll have his way with or without me. and i lose out, that's all. i think that's cool, cos its fair. and effecient. whoever is wise enough to win, wins. and peiling wins. you go girl. i resolve to be a better friend. everyone deserves to be better than they are, because god made us in his likeness and his plan is perfect.and on the point of plans, abstraction is over. the alchemist and robots and million dollar baby make me cry, but i've got flights to book and boxes to pack. i spend alot of time wondering whether i'm doing the smart thing, rather than doing the smart thing. which is to just do. (it). but of course deep inside i am still a person of big picture vagueness. and i still, incorrigibly, stick to my belief that i will, sooner or later, find what i want and do it with all my heart. the other day i had a talk with aunty beow in kap(!), and amidst all the half-baked jc students yelling and slurping and behaving like i did 6 months ago, which is, badly, she said something which i particularly agreed with. it is about finding your place. it's like in chariots of fire, where the guy says, when i run, i can feel the pleasure of god. and that is what you will feel when you find your place and are doing the thing you were born to do. i used to think that it was a priviledge, the fortune of a precious few, but now i think that it is an obligation. not to waste what you were here for. i mean, the guy spends every day of his never ending life making oxygen and food for me, and designing me a whole world to grow up in, and spends a hell lot of time coming up with an euraka plan just for me, so how can i settle for mediocrity?
Posted by i confound myself at 3:42 pm
Saturday, June 04, 2005
what herb copperbottom's says to rodney in "Robots"
skcratchpad" when i was young, all i wanted was to be a musician. but then i was afraid that i wound't be able to make a living, so i got refitted as a dishwasher"
Posted by i confound myself at 7:07 pm
my amazing adventures
skcratchpadits been a very very long and eventful 2,3 weeks. cebu was one huge whirlwind; the whole blogging fiasco that took on a life of its own. i actually quite enjoyed being amy. bimbotic, airheaded, boy-crazy, multitasking amy. who "would have been classified as ADHD if she were in a classroom", to quote one of the educators' postits. sorry post- its. i learnt a lot, that's for sure. but i think this time, my learning was much more overt; direct. most of what i learned was from the information i was researching and all the new stuff i was stumbling upon on the net. maybe the hidden learning, the real learning, wasn't as much as it should have been because content was everything this time. it was real work. it wasn't dsg; it wasn't watch the world. and also my attitude. discounting. how stupid of me. i developed a liking for the camera crew, believe it or not. of all things. not even a camera man, which would have been more normal, but the whole bleeding crew. or maybe it was the camera that i liked.
then expo. gee i'm writing a thesis here. singapore was so disappointing; the pavilion was really badly run. and the thunderstorm wasn't really the smartest thing, in my opinion. or maybe its just that this is my pavilion, so i give a damn. i mean if it were azerbaijan, or canada or china or something, i really wouldn't care. may favourites were the nordic pavilion, for the layout and content and just cos design is scandinavian; and korea, cos of the animation. i love that film, its so beautiful. i would really use that word.
